My baby sister and I have this conversation about every other month, the conversation about why the pickings for suitable young, Black men is so slim. I remember her recounting one of her first days of work as an emergency room nurse. She told me there were several young nurses (<30 years old), and the majority of the White nurses were either married or engaged, but the Black nurses were not. In an effort to explain this phenomenon, an article titled 6 Reasons Black People Aren't Getting Married was written by Walter Ward III.
Here are Walter's Six Reasons:
- Too Many Choices
- Lack of Maturity
- Too Much Baggage
- Dating Poorly
"The lack of a healthy marriage in the home doesn’t just affect young men. In fact, it may be difficult for women to identify the traits of a good future father and husband as a result. This means that many women make poor choices in who they date and are hurt because of the experience."
Let me speak on this . . . D and I have had many rough patches in our relationship because of the simple fact that along with being his women I had to also be his teacher. His teacher in the way a healthy, vivable relationship should be. Yes, he has definitely been the catalyst for some disfunction in our relationship due to his upbringing. Our saving grace has been the fact that he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, at 20 years old, he wanted to marry me. No immaturity was involved, just Hood Ass Tendancies (HAT). I could have easily fallen into the category of woman trying to change an unfit man. I often think back to the first five years of our relationship and wonder what the hell was I thinking. In the end I knew he was worth the lessons and willing to change and learn new ways of doing things. I was unwilling to let the HAT color our relationship, I staged a war and in the end I won, but chile' the battle was long and hard. Knowing D was super ambitious, loyal, and in absolute love with me help tremendously.