Today D and I celebrate the covenant we made to each other, our families, and future children on January 18, 2009.
Loving him has been the challenge of a lifetime. I think there is something to be said about the relationship dynamics of mates who are both oldest children. According to Women's Day:
The ultimate political power couple, two firstborns, is a classic combination of control, dominance and striving. Two firstborns often butt heads, says Cane, because both want to be in control of every situation. “They may fight over what movie to see, how to raise the children, where to live.” All relationships have these issues, of course, but these two strong personalities, used to getting their own way, may feel them more intensely. Source
COMPROMISE has been the key to getting over many hurdles in our relationship. This past year has been the most chaotic and turbulent for us as a couple. It's been a true testament to UNCONDITIONAL love and compromise, and just understanding that our end goals are the same. Like I always say, you have to go through some heavy shit (my last curse, because my sister says I cuss too much) in order to truly experience life and love to its maximum capabilities. Many will disagree with this sentiment, but the proof is in the pudding. As long as you keep it on the Wheel of Equality and maintain a healthy nonviolent relationship things will be productive (the reference is to a workshop on Healthy Teen Relationships I just had with my students). The key is shared responsibilty, negotiation and fairness, RESPECT, trust and support, non-threatening behavior, ECONOMIC partnership, HONESTY and accountability, and RESPONSIBLE parenting.
As a math teacher and lover of science I'll relate our sixth year of marriage to Newton's three laws of motion.
Law one states an object will continue to move at a constant velocity, unless acted upon by an external force. The eighteen month process of selling our house came to a head towards the middle of the year. It required us to pack nine years of our life in a sixteen foot POD in two weeks and vacate our home. All while finishing our school year, launching my new company, and managing two little ones. Oh I forgot to mention we moved into a one bedroom apartement. YES hunty! Close to 3,000 square feet to 600! Before deciding on the apartment we wrote down S.M.A.R.T goals for the next 36 months. S.M.A.R.T goals are definited as goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, results-focused, and time- bound. These goals have kept us focused and moving with a constant speed in the direction of house number two, in spite of any bumps and hurdles.
Law two states that the more force acting on an object, the more the object will accelerate. Our driving force for 2014 was to sell our house and begin the process of acquiring our "dream house". We pushed the limits of our comfort zones by moving into a one bedroom, but it was a sacrifice that was vital to ensuring our goal of a second house. Thankfully our children as small and don't require their own personal space, so it works. With cheap rent and no more house related expenses we are accelerating to reaching new heights.
Law three states for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Oh how we've learned this one! The months before our big move we contemplated taking the easy route and just stop paying the mortgage and let the bank dictate what was to become of us. After researching the many outcomes of such an action we chose to start the process of a short sale. We kept in mind that our mortgage was underwater and our hands were tied. We knew without a doubt that we did not want our children to grow up in our current "neighborhood", primarily due to the ever increasing taxes and poor schools. The action was an upsetting move, the reaction was a great burden being lifted from our shoulders in the way of true financial freedom.
We welcomed 2015 with open hearts and ready to face the challenges of a new year. I truly feel privileged and favored to have such a loyal, supportive guy by my side. Birth order and all. Cheers to another year of marriage!